Hi, on a normal basis I wouldn't do this but what do I care eh? I'm in Australia. How much trouble can I be getting in?

I don't know if it's the fact that my cousin is getting married next week or that I've got John Mayer and Damien Rice on repeat, but it got me thinking about when I first met you. Of how no matter what happened to either of us, we'd still be able to talk and whine our guts out to each other.

It's a Friday evening. I'm not too sure what time it is where you are so I figured I'm better off not calling any ways. But then again, who knows if your phone is still up and running eh?

I got to thinking, about the situation that I'm in. I wonder what I should do. I'm a little lost at the moment and I'm scared. I'm really really scared. I don't really know what to do with myself. It's not a big mess really but it's beginning to bug me little by little. I think it's probably one of the reasons why I can't seem to concentrate no matter how hard I try. The more I read my text books the more I think about the strange things that you used to tell me. Silly things about sea shells and stars. We both knew that it was just you trying to get me to smile. I miss that.

I miss that it was so easy for me to sit and talk with you. I miss that I'd come home and you'd be there or you'd come home and I'd be. I miss the late night talks and me getting nagged at for coming home late. I miss all of it. I miss the fact that I never answered the phone because I was so preoccupied with talking about music or books with you. I miss those little bits of trivia that you'd feed me.

It's even harder because of everyone that I've ever met in this world, there's none that are just like you. I meet people that are similar in some ways but in the long run turn out to be complete assholes. I still remember what you told me. And I know it's for my own good. I know you want me to be happy. I guess a part of me is, but another part will always be sad. Because it feels different now. Like I can't talk. Or I can't reach you even if you're just there.

And I know that it's a choice that I made and that I can't back down now. I know I can't allow myself to give up. I wouldn't be able to look you in the eye now would I?So I'm trying to stay the same. Trying to remain the same girl that I can be proud of. The same girl clinging to fragments of memories and painful dreams. The impatient girl forcing patience upon herself to the day that I'll see you again.

So here's to everything.

To the only one that really sees me.

Till I leave.