I think I need to stop fooling myself. And that I need to shoot myself.

It's always the times when you're completely free and without a thing to do that you start to think about a hundred and one things and chance upon memories of many years ago and some even a matter of months, weeks, days... minutes... seconds. And no matter how long or short a period of time it was, it still hurts with the same intensity. I'm sorry Luke, it turns out I'm not ok after all.

Remember last night, I said that I have been waiting for Melbourne for a very long time and I wouldn't give it up for the world? I won't. Not even for you. I can't. I have to stop believing things that aren't real. I have to stop believing a lie. It's a lot worse than you think. And I don't care if you think I'm being melodramatic and I don't care if I'm officially the weirdest person you know. Because I've accepted the weirdness that is me. The irritating bit that just can't give up when I see something that I really want. But... That would be the one thing that I'd have to let go of. Stupid huh... I know what you'd say. The one thing that would hurt me the most. You'd say there was nothing to throw away to begin with. And then I'd cry because I would have started to hate you all over again.