Have A Nice Life

Ever get the feeling that you're being used? Somehow I feel I am. I'm not trying to demoinze anyone but that is genuinely the way I feel. Maybe I am being protective of someone I have no right to be protective of. But all the same, I'm being used. And I don't like it. You think I don't know? Heh... If I ever get hard proof of what you're doing, I will bring you down with me. We all know I'm going to hell as it is don't we.

I kinda wanna get a couch for my already cluttered room. Well, more like a back rest that I can hook onto my bed so that when I'm on the computer I don't have to kill my back in the process. Heh...

I can't stand holier than thous who feel the need to lie to me. It's irritating. I can't stand it. I never liked using people and I avoid it. But I still do don't I? I use, and lose. It's as simple as that. And now in the middle of everything, I wonder if it's really worth the trouble. Evidently, it's not or else I wouldn't even be contemplating it now would I. All we as mortals do is run around in the pure amusement of others' messed up lives. So what if you're happy. In fact, I don't think you are at all. You talk about the future as if it's such a bright and happy place. But for how long? People do die.

My Uncle just passed away. I spent the last 3 days in a daze. Not exactly distraught but not normal either. Normal for me that is. It's an eye opener from all those times that I've given up on myself and life at all. I see my entire family. All of us. Excluding those who are overseas though. But seriously, how often do I get ALL of them in ONE place, praying for the same thing. Or more or less the same thing. I don't. Is that what it takes? Death? I'll tell you honestly, I didn't want to be there. I don't like mourning. I am sick of crying, of worrying. Maybe that strange anonymous tagger was right. MAYBE I am an Ice Queen. If I am, so be it. But if I am, why in God's name was I crying my eyes out. Why did I feel so lost. I try and look at the future as a brighter place. It's not is it...

I'm 18 bloody years old without a single purpose in life except to just be me. And even that I can't seem to get down. I can't stand having to hide my habits from people. So let the world know that Mel loves to drink, loves to smoke and all that other stuff that my wonderful holier than thou family deems unacceptable. Go ahead and live in denial that I'm such an angel. I'm probably the worst of the lot. So yea I might not do crazy things like some of them have done but don't dare me. Trust me, you don't want to know what I'm capable of. I'm in a amusingly destructive mood.

I wonder where everyone is. And where they stand. With regards to everything I've just said. But it's just a plain, simple, innocent thought. I don't give a fuck if they're in some corner screwing around. Hehehehe! At this point, I'd like to wish the happy couple in Canada all the best. And I hope you live a life without deceit. I wish the happy couple in Singapore the same thing as well. May the lot of you learn to bloody accept each other for what you really are and never have to lie to each other. I wish for the bloody impossible don't I. And to the people that I have/still love/d, have a nice life because I really don't want a part of it anymore? Friends yea. More? NO FUCKING WAY. To my bestfriends, you guys rawk my world. You're there as often as you possibly can be and I appreciate it. No, really.

I hope everyone reading this has had a wonderful weekend because I, sure as hell DID NOT.

I turn 19 in a little under a month. Yay.

Whatever.