Dave Matthews Band - Imagine
Nothing left. Imagine everyone and everything living. That's what I want to do essentially. Darling, it was mice to have been able to talk to you earlier as well. call me a dreamer. I can't say that I'm not completely hurt. And I can't say that things are completely ok. But you're closer to me now that you've ever been. I like being able to speak with you with out any pressue. It's just like old times before the chaos and the paranoia on both oursides set in.

I'd like it if one day I could sit and talk to you. And for once cry and let everything out. It's been so hard these past few days. You've no idea the kind of trouble I've been facing. Not to mention the total agony that comes with it.

Dave MAtthews Band - Space Between
Isn't there that one tiny space inbetween thigns where nobody and nothing can hurt you? Sometimes you just want to crawl into that corner and let everything out.

But that's not he point anymore. I found something that I think would be good for me. And good for the other person in question too. But I don't know what exactly you want. One minute you're saying this the next it's that. I don't know what to say. I dn't know how I'm supposed to deal with this. Really. What if one day someone came up to you and said I love you. Then what?

You'd be so lost because on a strange level you wouldn't know whow to retaliate would you? That's where I'll be. Somewhere between your heart and mind. I found someone who could take a huge load off my shoulders. And he did. I didn't have to worry about Jed anymore because I'd gotten past it it. It's notjust becasue of tis person that I met. But the sole idea that I found someone who I could respect and someone who would respect me just as much as I respected him. The only annoying thing abuot all of this isI really don't know how to proceed from here. Know what I mean? It's like I don't know what to do ro say. I've frozen up. Literally. I wish I could just telly ou. But it's scarey in that sense. Rejection isn't like by any one. But as the wise Jonathan Lee (Melbourne) told me moons ago, the men are just as afraid. Damn it's nice having someone working on the outside. You know what? So what if it doesn't work out. I'd love for it to. But I've been rejected before. What makes this any different. Go ahead and laugh at my lack of abiliy to find guys who like me enough to date. So what. At least I'm still me. I'd like to believe that I'm an acquired taste. Not everyone gets used to be that quickly eh? I mean in this crazy fucked up Mad World, who expects to find that one perfect person to call their own? I don't care if my ex finds it amusing thatI'm not dating a mix blood like I normally do. I DONT CARE WHAT YOU THINK. I care for you sure but you are nothing to me anymore. He is a million times better a person than you.

But my point isn't just to argue and defend people. Instead, it's to say that I really do like you. And I'm just as afraid because i don't know what to belive anymore. I'm just as scared. At least you get to stay with your family and friends. I'll be far away. And I'm going to miss everything and everyone. Especially you.

If anything, I don't trust myself. Coz I'm the most pessimistic fuck on earth. I trust Elohim. I'll write more later. When I can actually see and concentrate on what I'm writing.