I've had many chances to get myself to where I 'should' be instead of where I am now. I had many chances to relieve myself but I didn't. And now I'm being forced, needless to say against my will, to go through with something that even thinking about is leaving me wreck. I hate that I have no one to talk to. No one to cry on. No one less complicated at least. I want to stop. I want all of it to stop. It's too soon, I need more time. I don't want what's happening. All things that people say to deny what is to come. The 5 stages of mourning right? I barely remember them.

I have the feeling that I've completely lost my head. LOST IT. And I'm beginning to crave losing everything else. I mean, if I finish it, I won't have to be like this anymore right? Right?? If only things are so simple. If only I'd even think or TRY to take the easy road.