Psychotic Rock Star

The melancholy life of the Psychotic wannabe Rock Star.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Kenny said something to me. Something that helped. He said, a relationship in which you face a lot of hardships in the beginning and still pull through equates to a stronger relationship. And you'll care a lot more for each other and know each other's little quirks a lot better. This versus have a prettified beginning and having a small argument later on and have that escalate into something that it never should be? It's comforting in a sense. I'm going through hell now. And I'm pulling through. Like I said, they know I'm not that stupid. I'm sticking with this for a reason. The easy way out is so not my cup of tea. I choose love.

Away from the mushy shit, I'm sooo dead! I've got a mother load of deadlines!! Argh!!
  • Gaming Banner
  • Emmy Article
  • PowerBook Article
  • WISP
  • MEC
  • The Streets
  • Bjork
  • Papa Roach
  • Photo Essay
  • The BlogS

    And tomorrow in class we write the script treatment! Argh!! I need more time people! More time!!!

    MeL

  • Monday, August 30, 2004

    Finding My Way

    What is perfection? A complete facade if you ask me. Ok, I know I live a pretty good life when I don't dwell on things. (Thanks Mary-Ann!) No, really. Look at my life. I have everything I want and more. I have everything I need. I have the things I've always wanted. I have Mass Comm, a dream that I've made a reality. I have UrbanWire, the one thing that drew me into Mass Comm in the first place. I have my angels, the ones who I trust with my deepest darkest secrets. Quirky, lovable and utterly supportive of all the stupid things I do. They are the ones I depend on most, the ones I'd gladly lay down my life for. I have my love. Someone who I've known for a while and for some reason I find myself completely devoted to him. And he is to me. The one thing that I do have that I don't like is insecurity and the innate inability to just not let people get to me. Sad that I lost that one virtue eh? Among all that, I have an abundance of friends who have on more than one occasion jumped to my defence and jumped in to save my ass. I have a God that loves me even though I'm probably the most unreligious choir girl of the lot. I have my voice back. (w00t) I have my writings. I have my outlets. My guitar my powerbook. The love of my family. I have a future. I have a plan. Sure I'm going to Melbourne and I'll be away from most of the people I love. But the distance and time will do me good on some strange level I suppose? It'll build trust. Something that I need to work on. Even when I'm in Melbourne, I have a friend who I can count on. My cousin, Anita who I love to death. Technically I will have my degree in the next oh... 3 years? After a max of 4 years, I would have graduated with a Degree in Psychology minoring either sociology, law or journalism. I'm not sure which yet. At the rate thigns are going now, they're rocky but I think I have my ideal life. All I need to get rid of is this ridiculous insecurity which is completely stupid coz there's nothing to be insecure about. And like Prasad and I were talking about, in 5-6 years, the lot of us will be starting to get wedding invites. We'll be what... 25-26 then. Degree holders. Media practitioners. See how my life rocks yet? Stupid Mel, things have been going just great the whole time. You just didn't notice.

    Listening to: Downfall by Matchbox20

    Purity

    Do you trust anyone? Is it easy? To let someone in? I found a bunch of old stuff I wrote. For the hell of it, here it is.

    Purity
    Would you ride the waves to the end of the sun in search for something that might not be there? Is your trust in all that is light and good that strong so much so that you’d give your life for the sake of the silence of night? Or is it simply and escape to give up living to enter into an eternal silence within which you’d find peace?

    Those were the constant whispers the cold air swirled desperately wanting to escape the rush. They would give anything to be grounded. Never having to worry of where it went or shoulder the burdens of Gaia’s secrets. The grass always did seem greener on the other side. But perhaps now, in this sense, black. For the breeze grew tired of fighting. It did not have reason to continue on.

    “Strings so invisible
    Yet so strong.
    Strings that allay
    And yet fill with scorn.
    Scorn to which the maid complies
    Ever bound throughout her life.”

    And it decided that finally it would stop. Even though it knew it would be missed, it didn’t care. It waited forever for the son of man to complete his procrastination to no end.
    On the other side of the world, a small flower peered from the earth. And breathed the chilly air. It was premature but that was no longer of any consequence. It knew it would not last. But the last remnants of the fading wind blew and caught the delicate unawares. And its frail roots were yanked into the air. All was lost or so it seemed. When the wind finally disbanded, the flower stopped in the center of a pool where in laid the deepest red in existence. And there it lay to rest. The white petals violated by the strength of the fluid. It lay frozen for eternity in the sea of death.

    Listening to: Everyday by Tania Chua
    Sorry wasn't good enought
    A song without meter and rhyme
    A long forgotten promise I recall I made to you
    A candle flame dies in the win
    It looks like it's about to rain, about to rain...

    Spirals from your ciggerette
    Your sweet cologne on my pillow
    Messages you left me still sing like some lullaby
    Pretty picutres on the wall
    Hopes in us will rise and fall

    And in the rain, summer days too
    When the willow weeps too
    Under the stree light so bright
    I'll remember you everyday

    The plane leaves in an hour's time
    Hold me till my last goodbye
    Silence is the only sound
    No words can speak it through
    I'll breathe your breath for one last time
    You'll be strong and so will I, so will I...

    And in the rain, summer days too
    When the willow weeps too
    Under the stree light so bright
    I'll remember you everyday

    And in the rain, summer days too
    When the willow weeps too
    Under the stree light so bright
    I'll remember you everyday

    I'll remember you everyday
    I'll remember you everyday

    Sunday, August 29, 2004

    fuck off

    I'm very pissed off. I got home very late last night and before I can get home I get stuff for work. To me it's like ok. It's workable. I mean all I have to do is do the bloody animation right? NO! I get a chunk of shit instead of a story board. Seriously, this is no story board. It's like a bloody write up.

    You people don't even fucking tell me that this is being done. Nobody bothered to say ANYTHINg to me at all. What the fuck. I have LESS than 24 hours to get this thing working on my own. Oh wait, it shouldn't be a problem for Mel coz she hasn't got anything else to do right? WRONG! I have other work to do as well not just this. Honestly, if it weren't for my massive headache, I would shoot someone. I'm dead tired now and I still have a tone of shit to do. Why am I blogging instead of working? I'll fucking tell you why. I don't know how to do it. There. HAPPY YET? How the fuck can people just shove a tone of RUBBISH and expect a miracle?! Who the fuck do you think we are? And I'll bet the lot of them are happily slacking off in some corner while we slave away.

    Yesterday was ok I guess. I was at the airport running around with Mary-Ann doing work for UrbanWire. The gala premier was the first of it's kind. Not bad at all if you ask me.

    I thought I'd be able to say a lot more. Turns out I'm a little to damned PISSED OFF to do anything. I really hope you people are fucking happy now.

    I need prozac.

    oh my God, what is your problem?! If he hadn't called me and told me about the work you wouldn't have told me right? Then I'd be completely screwed over RIGHT? Irritating! The least you could've done was tell me.

    Went to Hayl's blog. QuiZ! :D







    You're Confident... Sometimes


    You can seem confident when the occasion calls for it
    But inside you may be experiencing a bit of self doubt
    A little more inner confidence could take you far...
    And convince others that you're as confident as you try to seem




    Are You Confident? Take This Quiz :-)




    Find the Love of Your Life
    (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.











    Guys Like That You're Sensitive


    And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way

    You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to

    Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets

    No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!




    What Do Guys Like About You? Take This Quiz :-)




    Find the Love of Your Life
    (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.











    The PJ's You Are Most Like: No PJ's


    You're a bit of a hedonist - opting for comfort over everything else
    You have an understated, easy sexyness that men love
    You'll risk that for the feeling of sheets against your bare skin!




    What Kind of PJ's Are You? Take This Quiz :-)




    Find the Love of Your Life
    (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.




    hahahahaha!!!







    You Are a Fun Girl!


    You are all about having fun - and you don't need to drink to have a good time
    Sure, you've thrown back more than a few every so often
    But getting totally stupid and wasted is not your style
    You're the life of the party, by keeping everyone laughing and smiling




    Are You a Party Girl? Take This Quiz :-)




    Find the Love of Your Life
    (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.









    He's Absolutely Committed to You!


    Your guy is committed to you, as if you were alraedy married
    And hopefully, you show the same commitment to him
    While you may have had your ups and downs, you've smoothed things out
    If the two of you aren't serious, you will be soon
    So start secretly planning your wedding
    It may happen sooner than you think!.




    Will He Commit? Take This Quiz :-)




    Find the Love of Your Life
    (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.







    He's a Keeper!


    Your guy is a rare find: sweet, kind, and loyal.

    And as long as he doesn't have three nippples,

    You should seriously consider keeping him a long time



    Sometimes a girl can't see a good thing when she's got one

    So let me tell you: your guy is a gold medal boyfriend

    Just make sure you treat him right in return!




    Is He a Keeper? Take This Quiz :-)




    Find the Love of Your Life
    (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.







    You Are An Intro-Extrovert!


    Sometimes you're social - sometimes you're shy

    You've got a bit of an Introvert / Extrovert split going on

    You enjoy all sorts of situations. Parties, small groups, and alone time.

    Too much of one, and you'll long for the other. You need varity!

    Chances are, you've got both serious and fun friends - and they don't get along.




    Are You An Extrovert or Introvert? Take This Quiz :-)




    Find the Love of Your Life
    (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.







    You Are a Friendly Ex


    While the guys you've dated haven't been perfect, you've kept most as friends

    In fact, one or two of your exes may be your best friends - after all, they know you best

    And though your mature attitude is awesome, make sure nothing gets too weird

    Or else you could lose these friendships, simply because your exes' new women think you're *too* friendly




    What Kind of Ex Are You? Take This Quiz :-)




    Find the Love of Your Life
    (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.


    What... None of the people I've dated hate me and I don't hate them. You'd be surprised at the kinds of people who do though.





    You Are An Understanding Girlfriend!


    You care about your guy, so much that you tend to put him first

    And while this makes your relationship smooth, sometimes you let big things slide

    Still be your understanding self, but if something really bothers you - let your guy know

    He'll still want you, even if you occasionally disagree



    What Kind Of Girlfriend Are You? Take This Quiz :-)




    Find the Love of Your Life
    (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.







    Your Relationship Will Last... A Long Time!


    Your guy is ideal, as close to Mr. Perfect as he could be

    If you took this quiz, you may be doubting that...

    Don't! No guy is perfect but yours comes really close

    You guys will last for many years, as long as you appreciate him!




    How Long Will Your Relationship Last? Take This Quiz :-)




    Find the Love of Your Life
    (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

    Friday, August 27, 2004

    I'm offf...

    I've finished my work. I'm supposed to call Jed. I'm just really off. I can explain why I wrote all the stuff I didtYou try dreaming about you being killed by the people you love most. Then by the people you hate. Seeing yourself kililng your adversaries only to have the people you love fawning over their dead bodies. Then you killing them. People leaving you. Why I kept having weird dreams like those the whole day that left me crying the minute I open my eyes is beyond me. I'm just really shaken now. I don't know what would help. Jed's not feeling well. He knows I'm a little off. It sounds stupid when I acutally type it all out doesn't it? *sigh* It just occured to me that he probably doesn't even read this. 4 people who I'd prefer to read this blog over the other load of people and not 1 one them actually comes and looks. It's how insignificant I am isn't it? I have the strangest of people reading them as well. IP tracking is amusing. I knida know who you are already so let me take this chance to say hi! Oh wait... I'm sposed to not speak to you aren't I... Hmm... Fine kiddo, suit yourself. How are ya anyways? Haven't seen you in AGES. Ooo now ur tempted to answer haha! Crazy kinda connections we have huh.

    And to think I last woke up and I hear this song playing on iTunes.

    Michelle Branch's Til I Get Over You

    Every time I feel alone
    I can blame it on you
    And I do, oh
    You got me like a loaded gun
    Golden sun and the sky so blue,oh
    We both know that we want it
    But we both know you that left me no choice

    (Chaque fois que tu ton va)
    You just bring me down
    (Je pretend que tout va bien)
    So I’m counting my tears ‘til I get over you


    Sometimes I watch the world go by
    I wonder what it’s like,oh
    To wake up every single day
    Smile on your face
    You never tried (you never tired),oh
    We both know we can’t change it
    But we both know we’ll just have to face it

    (Chaque fois que tu ton va)
    You just bring me down
    (Je pretend que tout va bien)
    So I’m counting my tears ‘til I get over you

    If only I could give you up
    Would I want to let you off from this soapbox baby?
    We both know that we want it
    But we both know you left me no choice

    (Chaque fois que tu ton va)
    You just bring me down
    (Je pretend que tout va bien)
    So I’m counting my tears ‘til I get over you

    (Chaque fois que tu ton va)
    (Je pretend que tout va bien)

    We both know that I’m not over you
    I’m not over you

    Please. Stop.

    You keep running away. Seriously, I should know what's going on right? In fact I do don't I? You know I do and yet I sit here and let everything just happen. Despite my knowing everything, I just let you carry on. Stupid isn't it? Do I deserve it? Karma I suppose... For all the things I've helped the others do. And all the things that I've thought about doing.

    I've completely lost control of everything. You've really disappointed me. I don't know what I'll do. Knowing me, you'll say something and I'll believe you for while more. Until it eats at me again. It's a pity coz it hurts like hell and I really do love you. I trust you really I do. I don't trust the company you keep. Or more accurately, I just don't trust that one person. God knows why you do this to yourself. Heck, only God knows why I do this to myself as well. Coz I sure as hell don't. The only logical reason is derived from the more illogical of emotions. Love.

    Please don't tell me you'll do things when you won't. Please don't say shit like how much you care if it's not true. Coz I mean it when I say it. I don't go around and hurt you do I? And I seriously doubt that my having guys for best friends affects you that much. And don't even bring ex's into the picture. Seriously, are you doing this because of them? It's different and you know it.

    You know I can't let go. You know I don't want to. The only shitty thing about all this is that, YOU say you do but you don't. Don't tell me you want something that you can't have. If it's in my power to give then I'll give it to you. Stop playing around. Please.

    Listening to: "Sway" by Bic Runga

    By The Way

    My Secret Window Article is up.

    Kiss

    Why did you have to say that... Why did you have to say you love me... Why did you have to make me want to hear you say it more? Why do you make me want so much reassurance?

    Why is my life so fucked up. Sometimes I wonder if this is supposed to happen. If it is, then why does it hurt so much. Why all this pain. I don't know anymore... I mean I trust you so much and yet... Seriously, sometimes I don't know if you really meant it. Coz sometimes it feels like you don't.

    So I'm childish and I'm a pain. Live with it. Like I've said so many times, it is YOUR choice. You can choose to leave anytime. And I won't stop you. Because... I love you too.

    Billy Myers - "Kiss The Rain"
    Hello?
    Can you hear me?
    Am I getting through to you?

    Hello
    Is it late there?
    There's a laughter on the line
    Are you sure ya there alone?
    Cos I'm
    trying to explain
    Somethings wrong
    You just don't sound the same
    Why don't you?
    Why don't you?
    Go outside?
    Go outside?

    Kiss the Rain
    Whenever you need me
    Kiss the Rain
    Whenever I'm gone too long
    If your lips fell hungry and thirsty
    Kiss the Rain
    And wait for the dawn
    Keep in mind
    Were under the same sky
    And the nights
    As empty for me as for you
    If you feel you can't wait till morning
    Kiss the Rain*3

    Hello?
    Do you miss me?
    I hear you say you do,
    But not the way I'm missing you

    Whats new?
    Hows the weather?
    Is it stormy where you are?
    cos your so close but it seems like your so far

    So would it mean anything?
    If you knew,
    What I'm left imagining

    In my mind

    In my mind

    Would you go?

    Would you go?

    Kiss the Rain


    And you fall
    Over me
    Think of me
    Think of me
    Think of me
    Only me

    Kiss the Rain
    Whenever you need me
    Kiss the rain
    Whenever I'm gone too long
    If your lips fell hungry and tempted
    Kiss the Rain
    and wait for the dawn
    Keep in mind
    Were under the same sky
    And the nights
    As empty for me as for you
    If you feel
    You can't wait till morning
    Kiss the Rain*2
    Kiss the Raaaaiiiiin
    Kiss the rain
    (Kiss the rain)
    (Kiss the Rain)
    (Kiss the Rain)

    Hello?
    Can you hear me?
    Can you hear me?
    Can You hear me?

    Thursday, August 26, 2004

    FCUK - no, I do not refer to the French Connection.

    Hey hey hey... Just got home... Ah... The live of the socially deprived due to strange limits on time spent outside the home more commonly known as curfew. Fucked up. Sigh... I'm in a very bad mood. Don't feel like doing anything. Rather I'd just stayed in one place today. Should've brought my guitar. I begin to doubt everything.

    I can't help it that I'm insecure can I? A part of me feels like it died today. Like I'm seriously pushing a barrier that just wasn't meant to be pushed. Ok... So I'm talking in circles again. I don't know how things got the way they are now. I don't know how I can put up with it. I don't know how you can.

    Anyways, I hung out with Jed again today. His mom is funny. :) Heck, I like his family. At least they're a lot more open about things. I can't stand people who pass judgments on others who they don't even know. I mean, I get so cheesed when I hear people say shit about someone else when they don't even make a fucking effort to find out what kind of person the person they're bitching about is. Sure I've been guilty of the same thing. But the minute someone points out that I'm doing shit like that I stop or at least try to. I make every effort to make things work. I find myself fighting so hard. But for what? Is it worth it? Doesn't seem like it does.

    I hate people who just tell you shit so that you shut up. Shit just so that you'll temporarily be ok again when ultimately, reality bites and nothing is ok. NOTHING is ok. Because NOTHING has changed at all. Sickening.

    I hate friends who only turn up when they want or need something from you. How many times have people warmed up to me coz they want me to do shit for them? Countless. At least I've got a core group of people who do care. Or at least i think they do. Please don't take this as an attack on you coz it's not. I'm just really out of touch because I hate people making use of me. And I hate people making use of my friends. But I count myself lucky. Because at least I do have people who do give a shit about me. Or at least I hope they do. And the best part is, I still have my family. Someone I really respect once said to me the love of your family isn't something that everyone has. It's a gift. Something special. Something that few have. Let's call this person erm... Z. Haha... Yea, Z is someone I have an immense amount of respect for. He's a person I trust. He's like family to me. Not like a brother sister kinda thing though. It's hard to explain? Let me put it this way, I would raise hell on earth for Z. It's really sad that things that are happening are so fucked up. I was at the point where I thought that things were good coz I found someone else who I can depend on. Turns out that shit happened and long story short, the friendship we had was stressed. It's ok now I guess. Sometimes it still feels a little raw. But I think that all in all, Z is the one person who can hurt me the most.

    Jed is such an amazing person. Sure he's a lot like me. We've got the same weird habits. And this is excluding the love of cats. :) But I shan't go into that. It'll take all the space on the net to fully describe everything! Maybe even more! Thinking of them makes me feel so weird. Think being warmed up from the inside. Yes people, start being scared. MeL's gone mushy haha. I'm in a mushy mood what can I say.

    But as mushy as I am, I'm still dying inside. I still feel torn. Why? Uni. School. My other life. A whole world that takes centre stage. And all the people I'm leaving behind me. It's scarey. I don't want to leave them behind. I want them to be a part of my life but things are so different that I don't even know if it can be done. I'm so different a person. I may not like what people say about them but truth be told, i know it's true. And it hurts me a lot to see them upset and even worse when I can't help. And on top of all this, to the fucker who just won't leave me alone:

    You can go fuck yourself for all I care. Go on, try something funny. I dare you. Go right ahead you piece of crap. See if anyone will give a shit about you and your overly childish and whiney ways. You are a poor excuse for a human being. I'm not denying that I'm any better considering I let the likes of you get to me. But all the same, get a fucking clue. It's not going to work. Open your fucking eyes. I don't want you in my life. Please, leave me the hell alone. If you cared so much, then leave. It's enough that you bother me but if that's not important, you bother Jed. If you care one bit about my happiness or his (for what reason I'd rather not know), then please go away. PLEASE. You only complicate things.

    MeL watches you.

    Love ya!

    Wednesday, August 25, 2004

    bjork

    Some how I'm in a strange mood. I was all happy and chirpy. I just finished watching I, Robot and boom, I'm not anymore. I can't be bothered to sleep. I wish I could sneak out of the house and just leave. I want to leave here. It's so over sheltered that I can't stand it. I hate being sheltered this much. I want to leave.

    I, Robot to me felt like a complete rip-off. It reminded me too much of Minority Report and of the Matrix. Both of which I happened to have enjoyed very much. I have no real opinion on Will Smith apart from the fact that he's become a lot more of a hunk than he was in the Fresh Prince. But that was forever ago.

    Today, I might go to watch AVP. I have to real wish to though. I can't really be bothered to go. As far as I'm concerned, I'd rather just hang out. Maybe go play pool. Maybe just sit and watch Invader Zim. As long as I'm not here I'm happy. I hate being here. Sure it's comfy and I'm well protected and I have everything. But it feels like a cage sometimes. That I can't get out. A part of me would rather live in a church. Don't ask why.

    I'm beginning to wonder if I've turned into the person that I hate. A person who neglects to see the bigger picture. Heh...

    I'm looking at University options now. Wow. Now we know why I'm in this strange mood don't we. It figures that I'd be upset. A part of me wants to leave and a part of me wants to study in Singapore. (Even though studying overseas will be the better choice.) Have you ever wondered what you'd be leaving behind? I have. I still am wondering. Heck, I feel so torn.

    I want to go and sing now. But I think I shall go dabble with Dream Weaver. It's about time I do isn't it?

    Tuesday, August 24, 2004

    Like A Gunshot

    It's the simple things that you guys do that make me really smile. I don't ditch you for anyone. I hope you know that. And I will support your every decision always. Never doubt that. I care a lot for you guys ok? And I would go through hell to make sure that you guys are happy. But then again, I'm sure you already know that don't you...

    You guys are the most important people in my life apart from my family. You're my best friends. All of you. And nobody will ever change that. Just don't let shit get you down.

    I'm in a very good mood at the moment. I'm gonna knock off soon though. Pity eh? Again, I miss you guys LOADS!!! :P Don't stress yourselves out. There's always me to do that! Haha! Essential part of the group huh...

    Love ya...

    Vocal Training Yes?

    Wallflowers - Josephine
    I feel pretty good
    I feel all right
    And I've been thinkin' maybe
    I could spend the night


    I know you've been sad
    I know I've been bad
    But if you'd let me
    Make you ribbons from a paper bag


    Josephine
    You're so good to me
    And I know
    It ain't easy
    Josephine
    You're so sweet
    You must taste just like sugar & tangerines


    I won't make a sound
    Sleep on the ground
    When you wake I will
    Drive you into town
    I missed your smile
    Your schoolgirl style
    But I never had much fun
    Maybe the very first mile


    Josephine
    You're so good to me
    And I know
    It ain't easy
    Josephine
    You're so sweet
    You must taste just like sugar & tangerines


    Don't you know
    I watched you walkin' home from school
    Your friends on the old playgrounds
    You never looked so down
    Won't you come and help me with these cuts of mine?
    I've disconnected my heart
    And cut myself on the wires
    Josephine


    I know I was wrong
    I knew all along
    But I got so far from my home
    I never thought I'd be so lonesome


    Josephine
    You're so good to me
    And I know
    It ain't easy
    Josephine
    You're so sweet
    You must taste just like sugar & tangerines

    Monday, August 23, 2004

    You and I, I wouldn't change a thing...

    Daryl's party was pretty cool. Pity Luke and Kenny didn't go... I had fun at least? :D

    Half the holidays are gone!! :( *sigh* But at least a lot of stuff that should have been resolved are being resolved and I am LESS stressed. Still stressed but LESS of it. Hahahaha! Oh well... What can I say! Apart from the fact that I'm really really tired at the moment. Gotta be up EARLY tomorrow... And by early, I mean 6am. I have things to do... :P

    Again guys, I miss you loads. I wanna pick up pool properly haha. I suck but I gotta start from somewhere eh? MeL wants a NICE SUPER LONG break!!! heh...

    Song ringing in my head: Spin by Lifehouse (Kenny I wanna borrow ur CDs!! Damnit, I am on break! Come out! Have fun! Live a little!!!! Hahaha! My regards to Marissa eh?)

    Fuck lar.. This window is fucking up. This is like the hundreth time I'm writing this!

    THINGS OF IMPORTANCE. (fine not so important.)

    Geoff = you know that acapella song I said a certain individual sang? It's not true! Haha! Tricked you!!!!!
    Jed = YOU ROCK!
    Rick = d00de.... AVP? :P
    Daryl = thank yew!!!
    Luke = I'm sooo fuckin tired man.... Heh... Owe you dumplings! but then again, you owe me dumplings... We call it even?
    Kenny = the dumplings do not have prawns!!!!!!

    I'm tired. Long day tomorrow. Starting in... oh let's see... 5 hours? Hahaha!

    I love you. I really am in love with you. :)

    Friday, August 20, 2004

    SCREAM

    You know what? I'm not studying. I can't concentrate for my paper tomorrow. I don't blame you though. What I am pissed about is the idea that you have NO IDEA what you're doing. You don't know what you're doing, you don't know what you want, you cannot seem to picture the idea that you're doing this not only to yourself but to me too.

    Frankly, I'm pissed. And I'm sick and tired of it. I did nothing to you. Why the fuck are you doing this to me.

    Blog later. Talk? If you wanna talk, YOU call. I can't be bothered anymore. Go and run to the next person who'll comfort you. Go right ahead. Bet it makes you feel LOADS better than listening to me bitching at you. Pity you find them all irritating on some level. You're a real bitch.

    See ya soon Jed. I really miss you.

    Rick, Luke: Tomorrow game? What about AVP?

    Love ya!

    Thursday, August 19, 2004

    why are you soo.... ARGH!!

    Dunno why you keep saying shit like that. Don't you know it hurts? Whether you're joking or not? Do you realize that it hurts like mad coz you can even joke about that kind of thing? Especially when you know it's not true. Coming from you I would've really thought you'd have enough sense to understand. Apparently not? Sometimes I wonder if you're just trying to get rid of me. And I swear if you are then just fucking do it already. So I'm an oversensitive whiney bitch. I'm a devil and all that other shit. Go ahead, those kinda things I can handle. But not that. Not from you. Think of how irritated you get when I say it.

    The more I think about it the more I think we're so different. The oddest pair to go out. But it's not easy is it? I'm stuck onto you. And I'm positive that it's not just some physical thing.

    What I don't get if how you can say that you've adored me for the longest time or how you can say that you care more? I'm trying very hard to trust you. You know I don't trust easily. I consider you one of my best friends. One of the few people who I place even above myself. You ask how I made my choice and you fail to realize that they are not like you at all.

    I love you.

    I'm soo damned tired... I'm like gonna knock out anytime! I met up with Kenny today. Mary-Ann was over as well. Spoke to Rick for ages. The only people missing from the usual lot I speak to everyday are Luke who's at war games (poor baby) and Jed who is missing. As in I can't contact him. Dunno where he is... Will be seeing him on Friday though. I'm going shopping with Mummy tomorrow. Gonna spend time with her.

    I'm dealing with huge messes now and I find myself wishing that I had more time. I want more time. I need more time. I wish the fucker would leave us alone. But nothing I want with reference to this issue I get. What else is new.

    love ya

    Tuesday, August 17, 2004

    Depp

    "I don't wanna call her. I want to go to sleep. I want to take a nap. Okay. No nap. I give her a call about the magazine. I go write some crap for a couple of hours and then I get to take a nap, right?"
    - Mort Rainey

    I want to sleep. I want to call. I have written. I'm exhausted. I'm just about as messed up as Mort is. Day one of the holidays gone. 13 more to go. And I spent the whole day doing work too... Even the movie screening was work related. *sigh*
    My plans for tomorrow are so totally unconfirmed. Something's bothering me. What else is new? Gonna reformat my comp in abit. As soon as I back everything up.


    You Are Edward From "Edward Scissorhands."

    You are very shy and often misunderstood. Innocent, sweet, and artistic, you like to pass your days by daydreaming and expressing yourself through the arts. You are a truly unique individual. Unfortunately, you are quite lonely, and few people truly understand you.

    Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!


    Surprise, surprise.

    Love ya,

    Sunday, August 15, 2004

    blar

    this is THE FIRST TIME i took something off my blog!! ARGH!!!
    I give up. Damnit Jed!! Damnit!!!!

    Geoff, I'm sorry... But it was done for the apparent greater good? Don't wanna scrwe things up and make em worse than they already are? I've done a bit of stuff for MEC by the way. Just have yet to mail it to you... I will soon, I promise. Jed is insistant that I go sleep. I don't know why. I swear sometimes it feels like you're trying to get rid of me! :P

    So I'm going to detress and TRY and sleep. Jed, you're probably not gonna be able to read this till WAY later when it's WAY too late so if I'm still awake by the time it's 5 I'm gonna just start bugging you. I'm generally irritated. Can't stand it when ex's come into the picture. (No Rick, not you nor you B) that leaves us with a certain troll eh? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST FUCK OFF??? *sigh* We don't need you!!!!! Or at least I don't. So I'd seriously appreciate it if you'd just go away!!!!!

    Dave's party tomorrow... Hmm... sorry, can't make it. Promised I'd hang out with Rick and I seriously intend on keeping to that promise. I'm still not liking the afore mentioned ideas and notions. (I HATE IT!!! But for once I shall listen ok?!)

    At least till I upload it to my new server and stuff. Yes, it will be done soon. Jed, when this happens, nothing can stop me!!! I just don't like being told to do stuff...

    Btw Luke, is our bet still on? At the rate things are going, I think you'll win... Please take care of yourself at that blinking shit that I can't quite seem to remember what it's called. So yea, I'd say we'll be able to call it even on dumplings eh?

    Kenny, BUGGER!!! have fun at Dave's!!!

    Boys, are you coming with me to Daryl's party next sat? Please come...

    Oh one more thing. Jed, PLEASE LAR, your email add is screwed!! It's just as bad as msn on my baby! (who is still nameless by the way) This is what we shall do. We shall go eat those yummy pork dumplings. (Probably just one tray) then we'll go slack at Kino and HMV and possibly go catch a movie ok? :D God, I feel so damned insecure........... Please, you intolerable fucker, STOP IRRITATING ME AND FUCK OFF!!! ARGH!!

    So Rick, tomorrow ya? And to the rest of you who've read or spoken to me earlier, the info is not here. It will be. Only when things are less messy with the fucking bastard who won't leave me the fuck alone!! God... ex's...

    Jed, you're wonderful. Don't ever doubt that.

    Love ya

    Friday, August 13, 2004

    oi

    Hmmm... I've had enough of all this hidden info...
    It's a bloody blog for crying out loud. Wanna know something? Jed = Saf = MY boyfriend of oh... let's see.... a little over 2 months? Short period? Maybe but hey.

    Welcome home Nas. I hear you touch down 2355h today. Have fun while you're home. :)

    I'm super tired. Spent the day hanging out with Je-- no Saf. Yea, we slept, watched Secret Window, TV the works. Anyways, let's hope I end early tomorrow... Promised I'd hang out with Rick. Ah, social obligations... It's no trouble though. I love hanging with you. Haha... So when do we get to the Judo kicking?? Sadly, I've much work to do... So I SWEAR you will have my full and undivided attention the whole of Sunday k? :P

    Call, talk! It's been awhile...

    Had an interesting conversation with Saf today. Concerning Nas actually. Amazing how one person can scare me so badly to the point that I think I'll lose him. That's how sensitive love is. And it's only been 2 months. I care a lot about him and here I have people running around saying that I'm trying to break them up when they're already broken up to begin with. And I've said it a million and one times. If he wants to go out with her instead, by all means, I won't stop him. I trust him. I'm getting insulted and called names by a childish bigot who obviously thinks the world of herself. Amusing isn't it? That I can let someone like that get to me. As far as I'm concerned, from today, if she does anything to me, she'll get it back. Otherwise, i won't do anything. Except blog of course. Would be incredibly stupid to not be able to write whatever I wanna write just because certain individuals have decided to read my stuff. Hah...

    So anyways, take care d00de, see you soon!

    love ya...

    Wednesday, August 11, 2004

    MY ARTICLE IS BE UP!

    Ok fine, so Ella Enchanted has been out for quite a while. And I didn't really enjoy it as much as I thought I would, but hey. It's my FIRST REVIEW!!!

    I'm mildly irritated at the idea that my free-free lance people aren't contactable at all. Office, handphones... no one answers no one responds... Their business la... *sigh* no love loss to me. Considering it means I have more time to myself and Jed and the boys and my family and my work and everything else that's important in my life... I'm sooo damned tired.... argh... God... *sigh* Words can't express how tired I am at this point. I'm about to fall asleep right at the computer! :P

    Might be meeting Jed tomorrow. The 2 week break is coming up. Might go on a short trip to Bangkok. :D Got a test on the 21st and Daryl's party to go to. Heh... I wanna do a lot of things but I've barely the time to... *sigh* Can somebody please come and take over all my work for me? Then I can get a decent rest?? Thank you....

    Tired....

    I'm tired as hell... Last weekend wore me out to the core! JED! I LOVE YOU MAN! YOU IS THE BEST! Hahaha! Everytime I think about the amazing events the weekend had in store, I start grinning like an idiot! It's like I'm still on a high from it or something! Things are generally more fun when you're around eh? :D Will write more another day, have to go sleep now. Hugely tired...

    The heart is a strange thing. It trusts so much.
    When the brain catches up, it trusts only what it sees.
    Which would you choose? The brain, or the heart?
    I choose, the heart. :)

    Sunday, August 08, 2004

    Piss Off?

    I'm irritated. For one, STUPID ads of Singapore Idol flashing on TV making me ultra grateful that I never took part despite what everyone else says. Besides, my throat is still kind of killed. Another thing is, Dreamweaver refuses to fucking work. It's ridiculous. I'm a bloody designer and here I am stranded without my key tools?! Thank God I still have a pretty good grasp of my html. Irritating isn't it... I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow.

    I hate the idea that I'm completely swamped with work. At least i got the WISP proposal out of the way. It was more just rewording bits and pieces. Everything is just so fucking fucked up now. I don't really feel like doing anything anymore. Somebody PLEASE come shoot me. Anybody.

    Jed, it's not anything you did. I'm like this when I'm stressed out. I dunno how long it'll last but let's just say that the rest of my life is catching up with me and I'm not coping with it well. No matter what, my school stuff comes first before anything else besides Luke, Kenny and Rick who are numero uno in my life.

    The rest of you, I'm sorry if I seem oblivious to your problems because well guess what, I happen to have problems of my own. And yea, I'm self-centred and I think that mine are a lot more important than yours. You don't want to push me.

    Saturday, August 07, 2004

    Til I Get Over You

    I know you Jed. You're only this pissed after having talked with those idiots. *sigh* Don't let em get to you k? Smile. Be happy. I'll meet you on Sunday at filming ok? Just don't let them get to you... You're always like that after talking to them... I'm rambling again. Ugh... 5 am... Gotta be awake in 3 hours! Heh... I got conned into going to Tampines Mall for some IS meeting. Damnit... Who cares eh? Not like I have stuff to do. Never mind the fact that my dreamweaver refuses to fucking work! What the fuck... I'm a bloody designer without designing tools. At least flash and Adobe work...

    And you, I swear man, don't mess around la... Sending prank messages and all... What are you? A Virgin-Slut-.... (I'm lazy to type out the rest) It's a nice song. Not over do it ok?

    BOA - Duvet

    And you don't seem
    To understand
    A shame, you seemed
    An honest man
    And all those fears
    You hold so dear
    Will turn to whisper
    In your ear

    And you know
    What they say
    Might hurt you
    And you know
    That it means
    So much
    And you don't
    Even feel a thing

    I am falling
    I am fading
    I have lost it all

    And you don't seem
    The lying kind
    A shame that I can
    Read your mind
    And all the things
    That I read there
    Candle-lit smile that
    We both share

    And you know
    I don't mean
    To hurt you
    But you know that
    It means so much
    And you don't
    Even feel a thing

    I am falling
    I am fading
    I am drowning
    Help me to breathe

    I am hurting
    I have lost it all
    I am losing
    Help me to breathe

    I am falling
    I am fading
    I am drowning
    Help me to breathe

    I am hurting
    I have lost it all
    I am losing
    Help me to breathe
    Hoo, ooh, yeah
    Hoo, yeah

    I am falling
    I am fading
    I am drowning
    Help me to breathe

    I am hurting
    I have lost it all
    I am losing
    Help me to breathe

    The song I wrote is finished. Just needs to be recorded. Haha... We'll see... It's for you Jed. :) Take care k? I'm too tired or irritated to even say anything at this point. This song is ringing in my head. Heh

    Michelle Branch's Til I Get Over You

    Every time I feel alone
    I can blame it on you
    And I do, oh
    You got me like a loaded gun
    Golden sun and the sky so blue,oh
    We both know that we want it
    But we both know you that left me no choice

    (Chaque fois que tu ton va)
    You just bring me down
    (Je pretend que tout va bien)
    So I’m counting my tears ‘til I get over you


    Sometimes I watch the world go by
    I wonder what it’s like,oh
    To wake up every single day
    Smile on your face
    You never tried (you never tired),oh
    We both know we can’t change it
    But we both know we’ll just have to face it

    (Chaque fois que tu ton va)
    You just bring me down
    (Je pretend que tout va bien)
    So I’m counting my tears ‘til I get over you

    If only I could give you up
    Would I want to let you off from this soapbox baby?
    We both know that we want it
    But we both know you left me no choice

    (Chaque fois que tu ton va)
    You just bring me down
    (Je pretend que tout va bien)
    So I’m counting my tears ‘til I get over you

    (Chaque fois que tu ton va)
    (Je pretend que tout va bien)

    We both know that I’m not over you
    I’m not over you

    Friday, August 06, 2004

    Musings

    The new UrbanWire is up! The new UrbanWire is up! The new UrbanWire is up! The new UrbanWire is up! Haha! Yes, I'm soo psyched! Great job guys! We SO rock!! Not to mention a BIG BIG congrads to Mary-Ann who's Harry Potter Webmaster Review is receiving EXCELLENT feedback from fans all over the world! At last count, The Leaky Cauldron.org has 12 comments and DanRadcliffe.com has 27!!! Mary-Ann, you are sooo kicking it! :D

    ALSO Jenna, the web mistress of DanRadcliffe.com, has launched a new e-zine, Aced Magazine and I have to say it is really great! I mean, it's amazing that someone so young can be so talented and mange 2 huge websites not to mention a Mass Comm degree!! Somebody has GOT to teach me how to manage my time like that!


    Heh! Den drew this for me. And it's very true isn't it? Hmm...

    Went down to Bukit Timah with Geoff the other day to make friends with the people at the Mac shop. Trying to get them to loan us a 4G iPod and an iPod mini to review :D Hahaha! It went quite positively though. Got response from them too. At the moment, we're still in negotiations. My article is still being edited... It's taking forever the movie's been out for like 2 weeks!! :S Oh well... and my Spiderman 2 OST is gone... Don't know where it is, it's not in my quota I guess? Doesn't matter la! :P

    I spoke to Kenny a couple of days back too... He's out today. On block leave for a week! :) We is be going to hang out! Plus, I still have his beer! d00de, you do want it right?

    OMG, yesterday was completely amazing. Abstinence proved to increase the pleasure of your company. Haha... God, what's wrong with me! Breakfast/Lunch was really good isn't it? We so have to go back to Ajisen ASAP! Finally I know why the soup is soo good! It's the pork bones base I tell you! It makes all the difference! Not to mention that strange drink with the marble in it. Ramune or something haha! I really felt like a kid again. :) Thank you!! And note to selves, we shall never get the Strawberry and Kiwi thing at Orange Julius again ok? Kiwi seeds taste funky... One day, I shall get you Kiwi and slice it such that you don't get the skin! They taste a lot better like that. Oh well... Music good, company even better, and I completely relaxed. My stress disappeared for the whole day! Till I got home, back to work again... Heh... Well, I did manage to convert over all my Massive Attack, Layo & Bushwhacka!, Nick Warren and St. Germain des Pres Cafe CDs... Too lazy to bug my brother for the Cafe Del Mars...

    Today was such a busy day!!! MediaLaw was totally fun as usual! We role played client and webdesigners. Ironically, I was the client! Manage to happily rip off the poor web-designers though! Haha! Things I do to kill my own market huh... Celia, your phone is sooo pretty!!! Haha! I want one too!! But my phone (though old) has sentimental value... Plus, I have my baby (who is still nameless by the way)!! Onling Journ was pretty ok too I guess. A LOT of people didn't come though... All coz of the long weekend I guess? Hah... Everyone else can go relax, I'll be working my ass off this weekend!! Even have a group meeting tomorrow... Oh well... I still have to do the Johnny Depp flash banner for the promos... *sigh* I'm insanely tired though... But I will persevere! After all it is Johnny Depp! Jed think I'm weird. Doesn't really get what I see in Depp but hey, he's a really good actor. I can't help it that he's good looking too!!

    My poster is gonna appear in Playworks!! (IT'S A LOCAL GAME MAGAZINE YOU PERVS!!!) Haha! Guys, I still miss you!! Haha! It's only been awhile but it feels like forever man... Plus, Kenny, I still have your beer :S

    And I will end on one note, it is very hard to call off an army... *sigh*

    Will probably be back to bitch more about something or other later. But for now, I must go and do the flash ad!! Later d00des!

    Thursday, August 05, 2004

    A Little Less Conversation?

    Considering I couldn't go quiz crazy in school, I've done it now! Haha! :D
    Of all the crazy things eh?


    Oooo Elektra nice :D Pity she dies though...


    Ok this one I SO did not see coming. But then again, she was really cool in the movies... Angelina Jolie is SO hot!! Jed, we watch Tomb Raider tomorrow yes?


    Pfft, whoever said I was pure was clearly mistaken.


    This one I took for total kicks! But hey I get to be the cool d00de! I kinda like Night Crawler though... But his character completely clashes with mine so no can do there huh...


    Yea yea yea, who isn't a bitch these days? Well all you fuckers who think that you're innocent and wholesome and completely perfect and angelic can fuck off coz you're a buncha hypocrites! All of you!! Can't stand it when people go bitching about others like they're 'better' especially when they're so oblivious to the truth. Even worse when they're ignorant eh?

    Gayle sent this pic to the groups. Thought you lot might wanna look at it. Specifically Geoff. Reminds you of someone we know doesn't it? :P


    Anyways, spoke to Kenny today. Poor guy, lights out at like... 2230h?! Sheesh... Considering it's Kenny some more... I really feel bad for the guy man... How the fuck can anyone sleep that early?! Ok fine, maybe after a long, super tiring day then MAYBE. But other than that, highly doubtful. Look at me! I've been in school today doing work for the longest time, came out to have dinner with my family and rushed home to do even more work! Speaking of which, Gwen, am I supposed to format Scene 1 or are you?

    Happy things to take note of,
    1. KENNY coming out soon! Friday!! w00t! Then he's out for a week! Haven't seen him in forever!!
    2. National Day weekend! Whoa... Finally some relaxation!
    3. Gonna hang out with Jed tomorrow if only we can actually settle a time to meet! The poor guy's just as over worked and over stressed as I am if not more... But I do suspect he gets a lot more sleep... Hmm...
    4. My weekend has officially started. Yes I know that i have class on Friday. But I love my Friday classes to bits that they're in no way at all a drag! :D

    My life is back on track and I'm SO loving this!

    I LURVE MY BABY!! Who's still nameless by the way... Haha!

    Wednesday, August 04, 2004

    Fraudulent Misrepresentation

    God, I swear I love MediaLaw. I don't mind Script Writing either. I don't particularly look forward to Acting and Directing though... i swear, it's coz of the long day. The last 4 hours in my full break-less 8-hour day. I hate Wednesdays. It's midweek. But it kinda reminds you that the weekend is coming. I'm looking forward to after class though. After class means a nice long break. :) A nice long break means Jed.

    Was almost late for MediaLaw today... *sigh* I'm almost always late. Irritating... It's coz of my total lack of sleep. I've had barely had a decent night's sleep. Not even Sunday night was good. I'd say I had about... 7... 5... 4... yea I've had about 16-hours of sleep since Saturday. And it pisses me off. A LOT. I think I've gone really whiney man...

    But one thing that keeps me laughing is Geoff and what we were talking about! Haha! I swear he comes up with the zennest of things! I mean honestly, who can come up with something like "Virgin-Slave-Slut-Whore-of-a-Foreskin-Nibbling-Poofing"!! The guy cracks me up man! Hahaha! I swear, he makes me laugh every fucking day! The guy really keeps me in sync with my own sanity.

    I totally misunderstood Jed's message today! I thought he was talking about tomorrow but he was talking about next week! :P Sorry d00de! I'll definitely meet you tomorrow ok? But you better make sure we're not running around or anything coz I'm gonna be incredibly tired... But I definitely will hang out!! What I do wanna know is, are we hanging out for dinner today or what?

    Ah well... I think I'll go back to watching Billy Elliot now... God save me coz later I'm gonna die in Acting and Directing. *sigh* Oh by the way, took a quiz. :)



    PS: It was good talking to you yesterday Den. The songs are amazing. :D

    And after all this, I have one thing to ask. "Where Has The Rum Gone??"

    Tuesday, August 03, 2004

    MeL Lives, Dies, Loves, Cries. MeL is.

    I'm still awake, more importantly, I'm still alive. I miss you guys loads already and it's only been a few hours since I last saw you lot. I love you to bits and I'm happy that you lot have always been there for me.

    I realize how insanely childish I've been over the stupidest of things. And you know what? For once in my entire life, I think I can be ok. Ok, safe and really happy. Don't know why it took me so long to figure that out... All I can say is that I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner. Please don't worry so much about me ok? Kinda makes me feel really bad coz you guys are spending what little free time you have hanging out with me just to make sure that I don't do anything stupid because of stupid people.

    Jed is amazing. He says the strangest of things that make me smile, cry, die and melt inside. He's really helping me through all of this. I think things might be able to work out now that I know what's really happening. And it's thanks to him. Pity things became so complicated. But, I know and have always known that I'll be ok because I have you guys (Luke, Rick & Kenny), Jed, Geoff, Mary-Ann, Tav and a whole lot of other people who at this point mean the world to me and will therefore always be in my heart no matter where I go or whatever happens.

    Jed: You are one of the most interesting, intriguing people I've ever met. Getting to know you and all your little idiosyncrasies will be an honor and a pleasure. It's because of you that I see the reality of things. I can only hope that you will keep your word. I trust you and I always will. Just please, don't... well... you know...

    Luke, Kenny & Rick: Let there never be a time where I doubt your judgments because in doing so, I've screwed myself over so many times. I have my sanity and you to thank for helping me keep it in check. I owe you my life. I will do anything for you. You need only to ask from me, and it's yours. I love you. I always will.

    Mary-Ann: Turns out that my head lost again. It hurts like hell now. Like I said, the fairy tale relationship will never happen even though it's sort of cute? Hahaha... But all the same, I am alive. And I will be for a while.

    Guys, I am really tired having spent the past over 6 hours on the phone having super long conversations. :) If anything, I will have my life back in check. I will re-look at how I'm dealing with my life. And most of all, I will never take any of you for granted again. You have been there for me time and time again. I thank God for having you everyday, every waking moment and with every breath.

    I also have come to realize that I myself am quite the hypocrite. But it's ok. Because at least I'm not ignorant. And I see truth. I see what's real. And the reality of the matter is, nobody can take from me what I have now. Nobody except God himself. And if he wishes it to be done, then so be it because I have my bestfriends, my brothers, my confidants, my loves, my life, my light of the world by my side. And they will never leave me just as I will never leave them.

    I love you guys.

    Monday, August 02, 2004

    Childishness and Juvenility

    I'm amused at the childishness and juvenility of kids. But hey, kids will be kids right? Haha! Anyways, I find myself completely free and thus happy in the idea that I actually have time to myself and to hang out with my friends.

    Relationships are strange things aren't they? Rose Walker was a smart girl. But hey, generally I'm happy where I am.

    Interesting thing turned up in the news papers today. Like I said, the guys were over right? They kinda stayed haha! ANYWAYS, back to the point, it said something about how someone is out to undermine me but my friends will come in and set the record straight. :D So hey, I'm happy now!

    I mean, why should I worry about what some other person who has no clue what's going on says? Hmm... Gonna go watch South Park and listen to the other hundred plus MP3s that Saf passed to me. Oh oh! Trigun! I'm gonna go watch now! Later d00des!

    Sunday, August 01, 2004

    Defamation much?

    Ok. I would've blogged A LOT earlier but then again I was busy entertaining the boys. Yes, they're still here. Luke was the first to conk out then Rick. But I don't blame either of them. Why? I'll tell you why. They're National Service men. They go through hell every fucking day. And here they are spending time with me.

    What am I doing at home? My boyfriend is MIA. Or actually he's sleeping at home ignoring both my best friends, being completely impossible to contact. His leave of absence rubbish. Personally I think it's quite dumb.

    Back to the point. The reason why the guys are over is: I found something that I shouldn't have found. I ran into something that certain individuals believe that I am too intrepid to locate. Well guess what, I found it. And if you wanted to get the effect of me crying my bloody eyes out, then yes you got it. But I will say this.

    -----------------------------

    enough. the remainders of this blog has been emailed to the parties involved. It will be posted up here soon. I'd say within the next couple of hours perhaps.